Parenting Advice: My Child Is Afraid To Go On Sleep-Overs
by Dr. Noel Swanson.
Usually, children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends. They enjoy going out on overnight camps and other special events where they are required to stay away from home for a few days. Somehow, some children develop a fear for sleeping away from home and they refuse to go. Here are some tips to help your child overcome that fear.
First, and most obviously, getting into a fight with your child about the problem won’t help. Saying things like, “don’t be such a baby, of course you can do it†will just undermine her confidence rather than solve the problem. Recognize that it is a problem, and that your child probably wants to solve it as much as you do, step back from it all, and plan a strategic approach to help her.
As with most fears, the easiest way to work on this is by using a process of gradual desensitization. Often the problem is not just sleeping away from home, but sleeping away from Mom - to the extent that going in her own bed is a challenge!
Once you have identified the problem, start working on it by dividing the process into small achievable goals. Start from the point where the child is now - that is to say start with what is familiar and comfortable to the child. Gradually take him to the next step. For instance, if your child would rather sleep on the floor next to your bed than in his own bed, start by putting him in his bed and leaving the door is open. If your child is comfortable with the grandparents, you may send him for a sleep-over to them so that he gets used to being away from home.
Then it is time to speak to your child and offer various options plus some incentives. Find out what he would really like to do and encourage him to go ahead with it. If the child expresses enthusiasm, make a note of it. When the opportunity arises, you may pick that option to begin with.
The point is to start with an overnight stay away from home in a place where your child is physically and emotionally comfortable. And then, gradually get him ready for a camp for five nights. May be you will have to start by getting your child to sleep in his room with the door shut. Be very sensitive to your child’s emotions and give him time to work on his fear. Don’t be in a rush; it is not going to help any one.
Obviously you will need to tailor this to your own circumstances. Once you have a rough layout for this, then go to the present and look at the very first step. If necessary, break this down even further. Start with what she is currently comfortable with doing, and ask, what is the very first step? It might be as small as moving from the floor next to your bed, to the floor in the hallway just outside your bedroom door.
As I said earlier, do this with the active participation of your child. Talk to him and take decisions regarding the starting date and the rewards as well as how you will celebrate success. Just make sure you don’t set goals that are not achievable. Try to make each step an easy one. Spend ample time on each step till your child is willing to move on to the next step. You may want to add incentives at every step to expedite the progress.
You will know you have failed if the child reverts back to the starting point. It only means that you need to work a little more on the first step itself before proceeding further. Try again with greater incentives. Some day you will help your child overcome his fear.
One word of caution: Don’t expect instant results. You should be willing to spend some time with your child to help him work through the steps. But if you have a well-planned strategy, and you implement it slowly and systematically, you will certainly succeed. Be generous with plenty of encouragement and rewards.
About the Author:
Dr. Noel Swanson specializes in helping parents with child behavior problems. To tap into his expert parenting advice visit his website and check out his GOOD CHILD Guide manual, packed full of extremely helpful parenting advice.